Reflections on an apprenticeship
Over three months, twelve beautiful people journeyed through the elements of Earth, Water, Fire and Air to find medicine in grief, and medicine from each other.
In our final closing circle, we talked of the physicality of grief and how the medicine from being in these circles has helped us to feel noticeably, tangibly lighter. The knot in our stomach has loosened.
“I can sit in silence with myself again” she shared “I can leave the house without desperately plugging into headphones, I can sit in the garden with a cup of tea and feel the sun on my face”.
The whisper - “I’m ready to let joy in again” – invited us all to reflect on how grief makes us afraid of joy, afraid of the truth that everything we love we will lose. Yet can we really have one without the other? Are grief and love not sisters intertwined?
We read and reflected on the words of Kahlil Gibran ‘Joy is your sorrow unmasked… Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.’
We spoke of innocence and how the heart matures when things fall apart, when people let us down and families break apart. We explored if perhaps, from the wreckage, comes a greater truth; a love that is synonymous with freedom, a love that asks for nothing in return.
We acknowledged the numbness. We thanked it for its protection but we marveled at the slow and gentle easing of its grip. We reveled in our ability to feel. To feel it all – life and love up close and visceral.
We honoured each other in our bravery, recognising that we are each a mirror to one another. When you share your grief, it heals my own. When you share your truth, it liberates mine.
We shared disappointment, the crushing feeling of tender heartbreak. We honoured the bravery of the man who shared this story. We held hands and sat in the mud together, not trying to bounce back, not trying to get over it quickly.
We considered the fear of what lies ahead. What awaits us behind our grief? This companion we never asked for, but whose familiarity has become a strange and ironic comfort. We laughed, what would we do with our Monday nights now that three months of grief circles has come to a close?
We forgave our friends and family who didn’t have the capacity to understand or support our broken hearts. We forgave ourselves for pulling away and recoiling into the safe, but lonely spaces of our own pain.
We paused and marveled at humanity, the millions and millions of people who wake up every day with grief on their back and love in their hearts. Humans truly are miraculous.
We laughed and cried, we wished we were together in person, but we thanked the wonder of zoom for bringing together three different continents.
We didn’t say goodbye.
We waved, “until next time”.
Blessings on your journey my friend
… into the unknown mystery.
Holding you in my heart, always.